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.In addition to four words with the -ion suffix, the sentence also contains three ending in-ing.The result is a rambling, hard to follow, overly long sentence that feels abstract and distant.This sentence is challenging to fix.One way:They organized large demonstrations, talked with pedestrians and gathered signatures.Their motivation: knowing that as individuals, they could influence and bring about change.Does it say exactly the same thing as the original? Perhaps not, but it’s close.And more likely to be read.Notice that after I cut down the -ion and -ing words, some of the cluttery phrases become more obvious.Of course, pedestrians are ‘in the street’ – so why say it?‘for a petition’ and ‘had the potential’ are both overkill.Always look for phrases that add nothing or offer unnecessary elaboration – and cut them.Your writing will improve noticeably.The -ize wordsSimilarly to -ion and -ing words, more than one -ize per sentence works against you.He intended to utilize the equipment to maximize the profit and minimize the workforce.In fact, you rarely need these kind of Latinate words at all.In line with the principle of using short simple words as much as possible, shift utilize to use and maximize to raise.And you can more honestly state minimize as cut.Modern business language keeps inventing -ize words, essentially creating new verbs from nouns.‘Incentivize’ is a good example.Consider this quote from a government official that appeared in a newspaper article:It would be a true homage to her memory if we are able to channelize these emotions into a constructive course of action.Aside from the fact that ‘channel’ is better than ‘channelize’ for the purpose, note how made-up, long words are typically embedded in abstract, verbose thinking.The -ent, -ly and -ous wordsWords with these suffixes are usually complicated versions of words available in simpler forms.A silly example that combines all these forms shows how using long words forces you into that unnatural rhythm, passive structure and wordy phrases full of unnecessary prepositional phrases.Continuous investment in the pretentiously conceived strategic plan recently proved to be an impediment to the actualization and inadvertently triggered the anomaly.Unfortunately, much modern business writing is filled with convoluted language, clichés, and hyperbole at the expense of substance.When you try to edit some of it – -such as the preceding silly example – -you’re left with nothing at all.The fact that no one is impressed with empty writing, or likes to read it, doesn’t stop people from producing it.This is a mystery I can’t solve.But I’m hopeful: Research is under way to correlate good writing and communication with the bottom line.Towers Watson, a global management consulting firm, conducts high-profile surveys on the financial impact of effective communication and the American Management Association is interested in the ROI-writing connection.Meanwhile the lesson is clear: Don’t write in empty business-speak – it won’t reward you.Pruning prepositionsAnother good way to reduce wordiness is to look for unnecessary prepositional phrases – that is, expressions that depend on words like of, to and in.Here are a few examples along with better alternatives.Original: Our mission is to bring awareness of the importance of receiving annual checkups to the people of the community.Revised: Our mission is to build the community’s awareness of how important annual checkups are.Original: But it is important not to forget that you have to still use the rules of traditional writing.Revised: But remember, you must still use traditional writing rules.Original: He invested 10 years in the development of a system to improve the performance of his organization.Revised: He spent 10 years developing a system to improve his organization’s performance.Try any and all of the following to cut down wordy phrasesUse an apostrophe.Why say the trick of the magician, when you can say the magician’s trick? Why write the favorite product of our customers, when you can write our customers’ favorite product?Use a hyphen.Rework the CEO’s fixation on the bottom line to the CEO’s bottom-line fixation.Combine two words and remove an apostrophe: The phrase build the community’s awareness can also read well as build community awareness.Cutting all non-contributing wordsExtra words that don’t support your meaning dilute writing strength.Aim for concise.Use the set of clues I describe in the preceding sections and zero in on individual sentence for ways to tighten.Here’s a case in point:With the use of this new and unique idea, it will increase the profits for the magazine in that particular month.Extra words hurt the sentence’s readability and grammar.Even though the sentence is fairly short already, it manages to jam in two prepositions (of and for), an altogether useless phrase (with the use of), and an unnecessary word repetition – new and unique.Of course, the sentence construction is confusing as a result.A better version:This new idea will increase the magazine’s profits in that particular month.An objective look at your sentences may reveal words and phrases that obviously repeat the same idea.Here’s a sentence I wrote for this chapter, which talks about editing hard copy from a computer print-out.Of course, you must then transfer your changes to the original on your computer.In context, the original document was clearly on the computer, so I cut the unnecessary phrase:Of course, you must then transfer the changes to your computer
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